13 : Camouflage

Sleepless night again. I realized yesterday that today is actually a test for course 2E04 instead of just a quiz. So as you might have guessed, I did what most desperate people would do, stay up late and rush through all the chapters without really trying to attempt the problem sets.

Lesson learnt for the infinite times, don't do last minute studying. Last weekend I spent my Sunday studying for 1AA3 so yeah I guess I should manage time better. My day wasn't that great. Apart from not getting enough sleep which eventually effects my mood, my heart feels "numb". I really don't know what to feel anymore.

Yesterday, well technically speaking this morning, was very brutal. The last time I remember someone said something so mean to me was early last year. And I never fought back. This time the vulgarity wasn't as bad as the last time, but insulting people is never right. This time the pain is completely different. It's not the feeling of heartbroken that occurs, it is more of the feelings of surprise, unexpected, disappointed, and empty.

Yes I should probably stop talking about this, but hey it is my blog so I guess pouring all my emotions out here is not a crime. :) Perhaps I shall present a list of "my characteristics" to the next guy, which is not predicted to happen until many many many years to come. I've tried to be the best person, the best friend, the best daughter, the best girl, and the best student. But in the end, it never seems to be enough. Not for humans, because they can never say it's enough.

I am sometimes childish, I am sometimes "gedik", I am sometimes annoying, I am sometimes picky, I am sometimes arrogant, I am sometimes spoiled, I am sometimes lazy, I am sometimes "too dependent" on the people I love. But hey that's me, and these characteristics are not what's making me, they're just little bits of emotions that exist in all of us. I admit I am really dependent on the people I love, because I enjoy the moment of being pampered.

Now that no one is pampering me (besides my awesome family and friends), I might as well pamper myself. What's next? I'm gonna get chocolates or ice cream or smoothies or better yet, I'm gonna bake cupcakes! Now that's a rejoice.

Aside : My little Hangel, you're so cuteeee! gRRr... I can't stand it, the cutest cat with wings ever! I love youu for letting me hug you everytime I go to sleep!

CherryBee