19 : Urghh

Urghh she has the nerve to write on my wall using his name. There's this thing called "Respect". Never heard of it? Let me make it clear. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Thanks, now I don't feel like doing my assignments anymore. Going to sleep now. Goodnight.

CherryBee

18 : Here Kitty Kitty

I woke up and saw my hangel on the table rather than next to me. wth! Now that's freaky~~I think I woke up at 6am for like a few minutes and checked on my laptop, but I don't remember carrying hangel to the table. Hmm... Oh well not that freaky because hangel is a cutie little cat!

Yesterday we(the Malaysians) had this meeting for the upcoming cultural show. I must say sunlight was not on my side at that time. I was rather gloomy and moody. So I said I'm not gonna get involved, mainly because of something but I'm not gonna say it here. It might sounds childish. Lol. Then when they gave me the wrong size for the tshirt, I just exploded. I was like "Well I'm NOT gonna wear it then" while buckling my belt. "Snap!", I broke the buckle. Damn! I effing love that jacket. Great, Thanks guys for this. Grr.. Well I did text the president saying sorry for my behaviour but I'm not that guilty because I did ask for other size and I am paying for it. So yeah whatever.

Come on summer, hurry up! I wanna go home, I miss my family and friends so much. I wanna hug my mum :( I do have lots of friends here though but the stress from studying is making me feel non intelligent because everyone here is so smart.

CherryBee

17 : Permanent Marker!

Fana gave me this song and asked me to write the letter "X" on "her" with a permanent marker. Lol. What a bitchy song. Thanks babe, this song is awesome and I effing love it. For sure will ;)

And my sis, Shasha thanks for the song "Tied Together with a Smile" you posted on facebook. I've listened to it and I love it so much. I know we weren't close before but when stuff like this happens, it surprisingly makes us closer. You know you are my only sister, and I love you. Thanks for everything and definitely thanks for being caring towards me!

16 : Gone but will never be forgotten

To my friend who has just lost his childhood friend,

I'm sorry to hear what happened. I know it's hard for you have to go through this painful moment. Losing someone we love will never be easy. You told me to pray for your friend's recovery the other day and suddenly I heard that he's gone. I hope you will stay strong. The only thing we can do now is to always pray for him. I can't help but to think of myself in your shoes right now, what would I do. I went to sleep thinking about this and I had a dreamt of my dad. In that dream I cried so hard because I really miss him and I haven't been a good daughter lately. What I can do instead of reminiscing is to pray for him, and that will Insyaallah help him.

My friend, sometimes we can't help what has been planned by God. Have faith that God loves him more. If there's anything I can do to help you, please let me know. I will try my best. I've been in your position before and at that time my friends comforted me every single minute. As sad as I was, and still am, but at the same time I am grateful for His blessings on me with such kind people around all my family who constantly try to help us and pray for my dad. Seeing people sad especially when losing someone despairs me a lot. How I wish I could take your and everyone's pains away and tears from humans' eyes will never touch the earth again.

A reminder to myself, our lives are short. We will never know what is ahead of us. We can only plan, but God decides. And that to always care for your loved ones. Don't ever take them for granted even for a minute because you can never know when will you see them again. Maybe by then it's too late. Trust me, you don't want it to be too late. Because if it's too late, no matter how sorry you are or how many times you say you love that person, he or she will not know. That's the reason why I always say sorry when I have made mistakes, that is why I treasure the people I love in my life so much, and that's why I care for each and every single one of you who has been in my life. Take note, myself and everyone, let them know you love them and don't take them for granted, please.

Take care my friend, and be strong. Insyaallah, God will listen to your prayers.

CherryBee

15 : The Gateway

Gosh Dexter, how could youuuu!!!! I know you've tried but why must you did that. You know it's best to leave Trinity Killer alone because you have a family! But no, you wanted to satisfy your self need and went after him anyway. Now look what has happened. Rita had been so sweet to you. She trusted you and more importantly she loved you. And on the night of your long delayed honeymoon, she go killed! It's all your fault. It's not fair! I always feel good after watching Dexter, but this time I cried! And it's gonna spoil my day. :(

Now I'm gonna start on new series to watch, How I Met Your Mother is on my list. I haven't been watching CSI for a while mainly because Grissom left the team and it's not as interesting as when he was around. But probably will start after midterm season or else I'm screwed! Either way, I'm just disappointed with Dexter. Hopefully there will be season 5 soon.



CherryBee

14 : La Serva Pradonna

Yesterday I slept late finishing assignments for thermo and lab for circuits. I missed my 8.30am class but had to go for the next one at 11.30am. I'm used to not having enough sleep, but this week has been a major WOW! It's like non-stop from last Saturday. So in the lab today I wasn't really in a good mood. I was tired and hungry, so I kept quiet most of the time. The TA asked me what's wrong and gave me a lollipop to cheer me up. Gosh they all must think I'm a spoiled child for doing that but oh well. But then my lab partner, Tom rushed to get the lollipop and ate it in front of me! Come on Tom, I was HUNGRY! You should be grateful I didn't cry.

And I did something which I'm not sure whether it's right or wrong. I think it's right, because it felt right, and I know it's right. I guess because "it's" still there somehow. I just dont wanna perceive as just another person. To be sought only when needed. But when event like last night occurs, that's when I feel I am still the one, perhaps. Maybe not now, but sooner or later, who knows. After then I might be sought, eventually, hopefully. Though I must say I don't usually get what I wish for in this particular context. It's like haunting me, but it's making me smile. :)

P/s : I've spent nearly $21 on cab fares this week! Sorry people in Thornedale and Northfolk, I might have to consider coming after this or I'll be broke. Haha.

CherryBee

13 : Camouflage

Sleepless night again. I realized yesterday that today is actually a test for course 2E04 instead of just a quiz. So as you might have guessed, I did what most desperate people would do, stay up late and rush through all the chapters without really trying to attempt the problem sets.

Lesson learnt for the infinite times, don't do last minute studying. Last weekend I spent my Sunday studying for 1AA3 so yeah I guess I should manage time better. My day wasn't that great. Apart from not getting enough sleep which eventually effects my mood, my heart feels "numb". I really don't know what to feel anymore.

Yesterday, well technically speaking this morning, was very brutal. The last time I remember someone said something so mean to me was early last year. And I never fought back. This time the vulgarity wasn't as bad as the last time, but insulting people is never right. This time the pain is completely different. It's not the feeling of heartbroken that occurs, it is more of the feelings of surprise, unexpected, disappointed, and empty.

Yes I should probably stop talking about this, but hey it is my blog so I guess pouring all my emotions out here is not a crime. :) Perhaps I shall present a list of "my characteristics" to the next guy, which is not predicted to happen until many many many years to come. I've tried to be the best person, the best friend, the best daughter, the best girl, and the best student. But in the end, it never seems to be enough. Not for humans, because they can never say it's enough.

I am sometimes childish, I am sometimes "gedik", I am sometimes annoying, I am sometimes picky, I am sometimes arrogant, I am sometimes spoiled, I am sometimes lazy, I am sometimes "too dependent" on the people I love. But hey that's me, and these characteristics are not what's making me, they're just little bits of emotions that exist in all of us. I admit I am really dependent on the people I love, because I enjoy the moment of being pampered.

Now that no one is pampering me (besides my awesome family and friends), I might as well pamper myself. What's next? I'm gonna get chocolates or ice cream or smoothies or better yet, I'm gonna bake cupcakes! Now that's a rejoice.

Aside : My little Hangel, you're so cuteeee! gRRr... I can't stand it, the cutest cat with wings ever! I love youu for letting me hug you everytime I go to sleep!

CherryBee

12 : DOUBLE SHITZ-DEEK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mum says be nice. Mum says be patient. Mum says if people do bad things we dont have to follow them. Mum says if we keep quiet and be nice instead of cursing and bombing the F-word, we're actually winning. I'm doing this for you mum. And because of you, I will be strong and I will be patient.

Does it feel good to put people down? Does it feel good to feel you're winning? Does it feel awesome to make people cry? It does right? You feel like you're the most powerful person alive right?

I'm not you. I won't be like you. I don't ever wanna be like you. If people think they can fuck people around by pushing us around, putting us down, Well you can tell them to fuck themselves and kiss your fucking ass. Fucking shit I really don't swear this much but I have limits, and I learn we are fucking dumbass if we are too nice to people. Why? Because once you turn away, they will stab you in the HEART! from the back constantly until you have no more heart to beat, no more blood to bleed, and no more voice to scream!

CherryBee

11 : CHARMBRACELET

I used to love weekends. Time to relax, time to talk to your loved ones for hours, time to linger around anywhere you wanna go, time to catch up with missed CSI and Dexter series, and time to feel happy.

Now weekends seem different. Now I'm sensing a dislike feeling of having to go through weekends. Weekends make me feel sad and constantly thinking of assignments and tests, although I can't seem to get my ass of my bed anyway.

I enjoy weekdays more than weekends eventhough I have to wake up early everyday and come home at 7-ish pm the earliest. The last minute work and sleepless nights are sick but somehow they never fail to make me realize there's so much more ahead of me. Midterm is approaching and I'm effing around doing meaningless things. Buckle up and get your coffee everyone.

Today is just another manic monday, enjoy your week!

CherryBee

10 : RADAR

I am in Dilemma~

Should I get an IPOD or Nokie N97? If I get an IPOD that means I have to bring my phone+IPOD everytime I'm leaving the house. Which is a big no no because I'm a fan of simplicity. However, IPOD costs around $200 which is like $300 less than getting a new phone.

On the other hand, if I decided to go with Nokia N97, it costs me nearly $500! Although I must say that's quite a bargain, I'm not sure whether I can take care of such an expensive phone. But the phone is perfect except for the fact it doesn't have any pink screen saver background.

Last option is not to get any of them and just save money or go shopping. Well yeah sure my friends all say go shopping no doubt! Aww I miss going out shopping with my girls! Anyhow, this is confusing, which should I go with, what should I do, who should I listen to?? Alright that's enough, I should REALLY be worried about the upcoming tests and assignments rather than this. And MARA please send in my allowance, it's 23rd of the month already.

CherryBee

09 : Double Double

FANA,

Sometimes I feel like I'm a pain in the ass for you. I'm sorry you have to listen to all my problems all the time or listen to my dexter updated story 24/7.

But I want you to know that I am so grateful to have a friend like you. I know sometimes I'm pissing you off with my attitude but thank you for still being nice to me.

What would I do if you're not here. Because you helped me a lot in this particular hard moment in my life and words can't never express my gratitude to you.

I consider you as one of my best friends and I see now why your life is so beautiful filled with happiness and success, because you are indeed a beautiful person inside and outside.

Love you. I wish you the best with him. xoxo


















K. LYNN,

Although we rarely spend time together, but when we do it's awesome! That rocker chic inside of you definitely good especially when you support my anger towards someone. haha.

Technically speaking you're the only senior here but still you're the best senior ever! More like friends than senior actually. :P

And thanks for the sweet comments you always post to enlighten my day. I really appreciate it. You are such a kind hearted person although you can be crazy sometimes.

Love ya. xoxo.


CherryBee

08 : WHAT THE F!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!! I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT SWEET AND TRUTHFUL TO YOU AND NOW YOU'RE CALLING ME A LIAR!

DO YOU KNOW HOW BADLY YOU'VE MADE ME CRY! WAIT OF COURSE YOU DON'T BECAUSE YOU'RE BUSY GEDIK-ING AROUND! OR BETTER YET MAKING AN EXCUSE BY CALLING ME FAKE!

IM HURTED! IM CRUSHED! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU? I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR US BUT THEN YOU HAD TO GO AND RUIN ALL OF THESE.

THE 'H' THAT I KNOW IS GONE. HE WANTS TO BE HERE BUT HE CAN'T. YOU'RE NOT HIM! YOU'RE SOMEONE ELSE, I DON'T KNOW YOU! YOU'RE A MURDERER! YOU CHASED ME, YOU CAUGHT ME, YOU TRAPPED ME, YOU LIED TO ME BY TELLING EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE, THEN YOU HURTED ME, SCARRED ME, AND LEFT ME TO BLEED.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, GOD IS FAIR AND I WILL STAND BY THAT. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU AS LONG AS I'M BREATHING. WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID, I WISH YOU WELL!!!!

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE 'H' THAT I KNOW WHOM LOVES ME AND WILL NEVER HURT ME. BUT YOU, YOU'RE JUST IN DISGUISE!

AARRGHHH THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL EVER CRY FOR YOU!

07 : Epitaxy

Zzz Zzz Zzz..

I officially have to life. Not to say that I've been working my ass hard this term, but I haven't gotten enough sleep since last winter break. Reading week, please come! I need entertainment as in going out of this house for a change.

Me and Fana went to see Dr. LaPierre at his office this morning and he is such a nice guy. I'm positively sure with p value of 1 that Fana is in love with him. Alert! Alert! He's wearing a wedding ring Fana, he's happily married with one of the luckiest women alive. Bummer. Like she said, slot 2, 3 and 4 are still open. Haha. I think you have to convert him to being a Muslim first Fana before those slots are up for grab.

Oh newsflash! I added "her". Why not? She seems nice, and I'm nice to her too. No harm done, everyone is happy. The contents of the profile are not so amusing though but I manage to go through all of them without cursing. Yay! Pat in the back for me. (^.^)

I do admit I encounter a mixture of feelings. Like a bowl of marble cake's mixture. You basically put in all sort of colours you want; black(sadness), red(anger), yellow(numb) and so on. Dip a knife and make a swirl around the batter. That's how it feels. Yeah random but marble cake does sound good especially with ice cream on the side. Oh how I miss baking with my dearest Mak..

Chatted with my mum and told her about my wish of owning a new phone. The conversation

went on and on and then she said "when do you need the money?tomorrow?". I was astonished! I didn't expect that from her, especially knowing how she wants me to feel better when she said "it's better for you to cry out of happiness than to cry for boys". Aww Mak, I miss you and thank you for being the bestest mum ever. :)

A Midnight murder. He chased you. He caught you. He hurted you. He abandoned you. But you, will always suffer from pain and trauma.

CherryBee

06 : Symphony

Sundae Sunday.

Lazying around, more Dexter, golden globes, groceries, internet and sleep. haha. I called it chillex-ing day, don't be jealous. :D

He texted me. :O Excited? Scared? Nervous? AAAA.. If only I could turn back time.

CherryBee

05 : Fire Ball

Busy Busy Week!

This week I went to school almost everyday at 8am and came back home after 10pm. Ain't that crazy?
Monday - went to Fana's religious studies class
Tuesday - Asian in FOCUS meet up night
Wednesday - MSA(Muslim Students Association) talk
Thursday - Music class and hangout with Agnita
Friday - Lab and Usrah and hang out with friends
Saturday - Library and assignments and Subway

Wow I can say my week is pretty much filled with activities. Now for the laziest part, doing assignments and studying. Gahh.. Put on your thinking cap Sabrina and let's roll! Hope you guys are having an awesome weekend. Words of encouragement for myself and all of you! :)

Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realize
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all

Believe me cuz now it's time to try
Don't wait the chance will pass you by
Time's out to figure it out
You can't say it's too late

CherryBee

04 : Clandestine

At here for shall we part,

despite the yearning heart.

Define our boundaries here,

our fate seems crystal clear.

Led life our separate ways,

weep for the passing days.

My world now has turned dark,

life lies a question mark.

I guess this meant goodbye,

Deep down my heart still cries.

03 : Ballroom

Some people might say life sucks
or life is full of shit
While other people say life is beautiful
or life is full of surprises
I must say, I agree with all those
Life is whatever you think of it.. and everything you think of it
Life is what you make of it and what you say of it

Life is about sadness
Life is about happiness
Life is about pain
Life is miserable
Life is about loss
Life is about smiling
Life is about crying
Life is about love
Life is about laughter
Life is about learning from your mistakes
Life is horrible
Life is dumb
Life is awesome
Life is depression
Life is tears
Life is sorrow
Life is anxiety
Life is Bullshit
Life is spectacular
Life is being with people you love
Life sucks

I could go on and on and tell you all about life
But I'm not here to sort this out for you
Because
Life is all about you and how you treat it
You criticize it.. Well you're actually criticizing yourself
You hate it, You like it, You love it. It's all up to you
Life is YOU so be careful how you describe it.


( I personally hate people who keep complaining about life. Honestly sometimes I do feel life is challenging, but sometimes I feel life is beautiful. Either way, don't ever complain about life. Cry, laugh, smile, scream, or even punch your bedroom wall. But then pick up all the pieces and put them back together.

My life is definitely like a roller-coaster ride and I'm about to reach the peak of it. Why? Because that's the scariest and the hardest part. Hey you need to have normal force bigger than gravity or else you'll fall. However, it promises you one thing, you will get through it and eventually enjoy it. )

p/s : I miss all of you guys. I wish everyone is here to make me feel better instantly. xoxo ;)

CherryBee

02 : Twin Paradox

Just when I thought my life couldn't get any harder, I'm excited to find out our TA's for this term are just amazingly good looking. *blushing* My lab assistant for Thermodynamics lab, Mathew Ball, I think, is easy to say simply handsome. Alright, I admit I went through the course website just to find out his real name. He was wearing this black coat that reminds me so much of Marc Darcy. How adorable~ That should keep me motivated during the lab!

Apart from that, in Math 2ZZ3 tutorial today, our TA turn out to be a cute and amazingly intelligent guy! He looks young and I must say he is very well mannered through out the class not to mention his great sense of humour. Wow, if only this world consists people of those two types I just mentioned; good looking, intelligent, well-mannered, and nice!

Other than that, I must mention also my course coordinator for Music 1AA3, Joe Argentino is gorgeous as well! He always makes the lecture so interesting and I can listen to his lectures for hours. Too bad Music 1AA3 is just my elective course though. I should try getting theirs pictures so that you guys can judge for yourself. Haha now that's just creepy. And NO I won't do that unless it invloves life or death matter, then why not eh.

Hm, I'm sensing a bit of vulnerability in me now. I mean when you're hurted, you tend to easily have crush on others. But this is a exception! I'm in Love with them and it is better this way because I will not skip classes, have something to look forward everyday, and won't end up getting hurted. YAY! <3 I Love My University *wink* Goodnight Hamilton!

Remember "when one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us". So let us find the opened door to happiness and walk through it. Happiness is an abstract but I believe we can find it anywhere as long as we tell ourselves to be happy.

CherryBee

01 : Missing wedding ring

Today started with the lazy feeling of waking up as usual when you have 8.30am class. I don't know how long I can keep up with it but hopefully until end of the term. Not much interesting happening in class except I got the same lab partner, Tom, both for "electricity and magnetism" lab and "thermodynamics" lab. He looked so sleepy and this was as far as our conversation went.

Tom : "Lab partner again?"
Sabrina : "Sure!...."
"Is this the first class for you?" (now is the second week)
Tom : "Yeahhh.."
Sabrina : "Where have you been?!"
Tom : "I've been sleeping! I just woke up and rushed here."

What?? Seriously Tom how do you manage not coming to class, even last year, but still obtained good results?! Before that me and Fana were late to labs because the bus came late and we were like thinking of getting a gun and say to the driver "Drive now! Faster! Faster!". That will be wicked!

Anyhow, got home and watched Dexter again. Yeah dull me, but hey he makes me happy! Someone is trying to kill him now, but nobody messes with Dexter! He will escape and eventually find you.

Later that night there was this event called "Asian in Focus General Meeting". I wasn't thinking of going but I figured what the heck. At least you get your mind off something else. So I went there and not surprisingly all of them were chinese. At the entrance Fana was like "Oh we're Asians". Lol at that statement.

So started out by playing pool. This is my second time EVER playing pool and I never hit any ball before. But this caucasian guy, Chris, taught me how to play it and I think I'm good at it! The question is though, why was he the only caucasian guy there!

Afterwards we played lots of "interesting" games. There are a few but I am not going to mention all though. The first game involves three groups. You have to pass a banana from the front to the back of the line. The fastest team wins. Sounds simple right. Only that the first person has to put the banana between his legs and the second person has to transfer it using the neck and put it between the next person's legs. Also the group members are aligned alternate in gender. You get the picture? A guy starts with a banana between his legs, girl grabs it with her neck, girl puts it between the next guy's legs. How disturbing. Haha.

Since it took me a whole paragraph to explain one game, I think I am going to leave it there only. Other games are just as disturbing as that but you guys can find out later when I host an event. ;)

Well I guess that's it for today, let me end today's beautiful weather with a quote that says "Let a joy keep you. Reach out your hands and take it when it runs by".

Do not dwell in sadness all the time as it will kill you from the inside, slowly. Think about the little things that make life great and find joy and happiness in any way possible so that you will always wake up with a smile on your face. :)

CherryBee

00 : Fourier

Today I woke up at 7.00am. That is considered peculiar to me since my class starts at 10.30am, but that will do. I've developed flu and sore throat yesterday and now it feels like I'm catching a fever. Don't panic! Luckily my mum packed me a whole lot of medications for all type of sickness, Thanks MUM. Later that afternoon I went for my hearing session. I had to defend my case on the assignments where me and one of my friends over here received a penalty of 0. It's a long story but basically he copied and pasted the solutions, and now we both got 0 for an assignment that's worth 5%. I told them the truth and admitted my fault of willingly lending my soft copy solution to him. Whether the Adjudicator will approve it or not, it is to be determined later. I've tried my best in obtaining the marks that I worked so hard for and I'm going to be satisfied with whatever the outcome is.

In class 2E04 (circuits), the guys in my class wouldn't stop making jokes at our professor. I know he's from Japan (I'm assuming) and he's accent is weird but come on guys, this is week 2 already. I find it kind of rude if you keep laughing at him. But I do admit it tickles me hearing him referring "current source" as "CUM source". Haha. Dirty minded people we have here. Music class was fun, we were listening to Symphony No.45, III by Mozart and I am officially in love with Classical Era music. However, identifying when the minuet key of AA BBAA and trio CC DD is challenging enough not to mention we have to memorize the history of it. Hey, this is the reason why we're here anyway, to STUDY. Do not ever forget that.

I'm watching my Dexter now while having honey oats cereal. Better hit the sack soon, my class starts at 8.30am tomorrow. I miss talking to my mum and she hasn't been online for a while now. The last time I talked to her was on Wednesday or Thursday. I miss you Mak, Lukey, n Kakak. Goodnight. :)

CherryBee

Day 8 : The Final Ceremony

Hrz,

Happy 21st Birthday! May your life will be blessed always by God and that it is filled with nothing but joy and happiness. I sent him the last letter wishing him a Happy Birthday. I do admit letting these all go makes my heart sore. This is a melancholic story. But I know this is the best and the right thing to do right now. Let us both focus on studies.

If we're destined to be together, fate will bring us in the end. I will always pray for your success and happiness. Do know that I will always be your friend, and that if you need anything just let me know. I will try my best to always be there for you. Having Hangel around makes me happy and I will take care of it until forever.

Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly move on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that they feel the same.

Take care and do enjoy your day. You turn 21 once only in your life and let it be a good one. I love you. Goodbye.

CherryBee

Day 7 : Sweet N' Sour

Yesterday we had a bit of an arguement where he still accuses me of lying. I really don't know what else to do. I've sent an email explaining everything single thing I remember happening that night. Maybe there're parts I forgot to mention but honestly if I remember I would tell you. I don't know whether this is just a reason to let me go. But I sure hope not. I said to him tonight at 12am I'm gonna give him a call. 10th January is this 21st Birthday. I said to him if he still cares about this, just pick up the phone. If he doesn't or still thinking, then just ignore the call. Of course he's not obliged to any of my askings but it will shed some light to this current confusing situation I'm in.

Before I went to sleep, I was thinking about what he said. Yes, maybe he's right. Maybe I'm being selfish all along. I should have let him have his time alone. We all need it right now especially when everything seems so out of place with another party involving. As much as I'm trying to fix it, I must admit we need to be alone for the moment. When you're wounded, the cut will heal itself but it takes time. You can take any form of medication, but it will not heal instantly. Same applies to here. The story though, will have either 2 of these endings. The wound heals and you're good to go, or the damage is permanent that you will have to live with it for the rest of your life.

Non related : Yesterday I went for some groceries shopping and I got my honey cereal! I was really tempted to get the baby cereal but I figured I'll get it once I'm finished with the cereal. Ahh life seems so easy with "Dexter" on my laptop playing the series and cereal+milk in my bowl. Can I get a hooray?

CherryBee

Day 6 : Bipolar

Should probably be day 7 but I didn't have time to write any yesterday so here goes.

Today was a very busy day. Woke up early and headed to class. While waiting for the second class, I went over to the library and sat there. I guess I really couldn't be left alone even for 5 minutes. I began reminiscing again about "him" and me. "Im not gonna cry. I won't cry." I really don't know how my body system works but apparently the water contain in me is overloaded as I manage to cry heavily everyday since last week. If I would to collect all the tears that flow out of my eyes, I would fill up a whole tub! I turned on the song "Goodbye to you" by Michelle Branch.

The lyrics "You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to" really matches what I'm feeling at this particular moment. Resting my head on the table, I cried again. My friend, Farhanah, who has been helping me since the first day, came to me and gave me a warm hug. For everything that has happened, I can't deny I am still blessed as I have so many people around me to make me happy and always be there for me.

That night we had this religious discussion called "usrah" among the Malaysians students. The topic is "Challenges in Life". Gosh what a coincidence! I have to say this discussion helps me in a way especially when it came to the question "Why can't we get something that we really want although we try so hard to get it?". In the holy Quran, it says "It may be that you hate something when it is good for you, and it may be that you love something when it is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know." (Surat al-Baqara, 216)

Never crosses my mind that you're bad for me, but like it says there, Allah knows better. Maybe it is better for you, maybe it is better for me. I have to learn to accept the fact that everything happens for a reason even when I had tied the camel. Who knows, maybe we're not together now but could be in the future we will meet each other again. Only God knows. Don't ever lose faith.

CherryBee

Deela's 21st Bday!

My hot and sexy Deela, Happy 21st Birthday Babe! You're legal now. You can basically do anything!

Smoke, gamble, speed, clubs, weed, drink, and most importantly GET MARRIED. :)

Haha just kidding, don't do things I don't do alright. Party n Play Safe~

Thank you so much for being there for me always, you know I love you a lot.

I can't wait to see you and hope you have an amazing birthday!

Remember I'm always there for you. Just give me a call or a text when you feel like to okay?

xoxo

CherryBee~

Day 5 : Contaminated

Today was pretty exhausting. Got home at around 11pm. The best part was the visit to the nuclear reactor that has been built for nearly 51 years. It was awesome! You feel like you're a part of the engineers society eventhough you have 2 more years to go. But this will definitely boost up my determination to achieve my goal. Anyhow, in the circuit class today the lecturer said that eventhough for an ideal capacitor circuit you will have a circuit consists of only the capacitor and the power source, but in the real situation you will have a circuit of both capacitor and resistor. Capacitor alone will not work and resistor is the other element that will complete the circuit. Snap! I was thinking to myself, this can be applied in our daily lives. In fact, it is happening to me. Yes, it is ideal to be or live alone, but it is not real. You have to have the other person to make it real. To make the current flows. To make your life complete. He said to me "two is better than one". And it is true, but "two" has to consist of two individuals who mutually love each other. As much as I'm hurting right now not knowing what's happening there, I guess I still have the feeling of wanting him back. The feeling of hoping. I know I'm not supposed to feel this way but I don't know how long will this last. Somehow deep inside of me, I know you still love me. I just hope you can see that.

Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, pain of love lasts a lifetime. Why dear.. why.. Is "I miss you" not enough? or Is "I love you" not enough? Or is it the word "Goodbye" you're longing to hear. Please tell me, so that I can say the right word for your ears to hear.

CherryBee

Day 4 : Radiation Decay

In class today we learnt that everything in this universe will eventually decay due to accelerating mass or charge. So in other word, our universe will eventually die out one day. Eventhough the mass (gravitational decay) is negligible to our solar system,it is important when we consider blackhole or the supernova. It turns out even the classical mechanics that has been used for hundreds of years is not enough to explain the stability of our orbits. Hah,how ridiculous it that. But yeah I figured,before our universe will completely decay there're more problems to be worried about (the sun etc). It goes to show that nothing lasts forever. Even love? I had a talk with my mum yesterday. She makes me feel better, but she knows I'm hurting so she said to give it time. I told her I love "him" still and I'm still hoping, hoping for a change that is easy to say won't happen I guess. Everytime I talk about this I'll get all teary. Too many memories together. Too many reasons to start all over again. Too much love to be erased. How is he doing over there? What he is doing over there? Is he happy in the arms of another girl? Or is he thinking about me as much as I'm thinking about him? My life is like an unanswered question. Strings of days and nights waiting for a answer. A reply.

"Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing."
- I let you be my everything, and if you go I will have nothing. Yes true I still have my family and friends whom I love a lot, but you are the other half of my heart. By any logic that exists in this world, no human can live with only one half of the heart. ILY Always.

CherryBee

Killing is an obsession

One of my new year resolutions is to finish watching Dexter season 3 and 4. And the story keeps getting better and better. You see, Dexter is a nice guy but he just has an obsession with killing. Not that I'm saying killing is good but he kills only the bad guys. Now at one point he is doing the world a favour but at the same time, taking someone else's life is still wrong no matter how bad the person is (unless it is self defence). Up until now he still can't get that obsession away. They say old habit dies hard. The point is, how can someone so nice turn completely into a different character. When he kills his victims (recall they are all murderers), he will show no mercy. As he stabs the knife in the victim's neck, his eyes show satisfaction like a craving kid finally gets his chocolate ice cream he always wanted. Blood splatters all over him and he loves it by showing a big grin on his face. Okay I probably should stop describing that as people might think I like seeing all these stuff. As a matter of fact, I don't. But I like to watch it because the bad guys deserve it. Hey, an eye for an eye. So after all the killing is done, he goes back home to his wife and show her nothing but great care and compassion. Goes to show we can't trust anyone in the world right now. Small lies are acceptable but big lies are just crazy. Dexter, you're my hero!

CherryBee

Je taime

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be.

- We decided to have our time off. You decided to let me go. I decided to come back to you. The next line is to be filled by you.

CherryBee

Day 3 : Forgive me for missing you

I had a dream. A dream of you and me where we were so happy being together and that nothing will get in our way. I woke up feeling happy until I realized that it was all a fantasy. "Damn it", I thought to myself. Sometimes you just don't want to wake up because your dream is better than the reality. But of course, unless you're falling in and enjoying each moment, you wouldn't even want to sleep because reality seems so much better than dreams. I texted him again saying I miss him, but I guess he's not going to reply that. Maybe someone else there is making him happy and I'm just a person who should just leave him alone. But I'm not going to stop fighting. The phrase "Shoot for the moon" has been in my mind over and over again. The phrase that he always used to me. I remember he said that it's better to lose something when you have tried your best to get it, than not to try at all. And I wan't him to know that I'm not going to stop fighting for him. I don't know how many times do I have to say this to myself, but I wan't you back. I miss you. Just come back to me and we can just forget all the bad memories behind. The future is ahead of us and looking back is not going to do anyone any good. Yesterday he was angry with me about something which I am not very clear of why. He said he thought he was a bad liar ; which indicates to him that I am a bad liar. The thing is with me, I rarely lie. And I certainly do not lie to people whom I love. I even told my mum I'm staying at his place, well provided that his housemates were all there. The point is I'm not lying and I really don't get it what he's trying to say. I shouldn't make it any harder for him as he has exam coming up. But yeah, study smart dearie. I know you can do it. But you gotta spend less time on dota and watching one tree hill alright?

I'm sorry for missing you. I'm sorry for thinking of you. I'm sorry for needing you. I'm sorry for wanting you. I'm sorry for loving you.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, loves someone else. But deep in me, I know you still love me. ILY.

CherryBee

Mirror mirror, hanging on the wall, you don't have to tell me who's missing him the most of all

What would I do if you leave me?
I'd miss you, I believe
That's what I'd do if you leave me
Emotions are kept under my sleeve
So my prayers to you I'd give

Please stay a bit longer
For I may see you again never
And you leaving isn't for the better
Surely I'd miss you sooner or later

Everyday I miss you more and more
It makes my heart feel so sore
Thinking of the way things were,
I'd like to go back
to the times we had before.

(Femi Escalante)

Hope you're doing fine over there focusing on your studies. IMY.

CherryBee~

Day 2 : Love Bites!

Yesterday I couldn't sleep. I was so sleepy but my eyes won't shut. I found myself crying again in my bed. I added this girl from his place. She's a friend of my friend, and we met during winter break. Going through her pictures stirred my emotions; both happy and sad. She's been with her boyfriend for 7 years and they look so happy together. I began smiling. Wow, how beautiful love is when you're with that special someone. Under this one particular album, I saw "him" with "her" getting cozy together, holding hands, hugging, and doing stuff what me and "him" would normally do. I thought to myself, "It's okay Sabrina, this is the past. He said he loves you. He said he made mistakes and he was sorry. Forget about these pictures. Just forget it and go to sleep. You know best what he said to you and that should be enough". But I'm just human, I began weeping and holding my little "hangel" with me, I cried myself to sleep. This morning, I was thinking of skipping class. What's the point of going if you know you're not going to pay any attention and your mind will wonder off somewhere else. But I finally got up at 9.30 and took my bath. My eyes were teary again before entering the class. "Hah, why does life have to be so hard.." Ayesha called me afterwards and she was comforting me. Thanks Ayesha, you mean a lot to me. I guess I shouldn't be complaining about life when there are so many bigger problems in this world. But this is what I learnt from all these experiences, "Living is good, but life itself is hard". Choose to have faith in God and know that God has planned many more great things to happen in your life.


CherryBee~

Hot As Ice

I know I said I had lots of ups and downs during the winter break. But there were some joyful moments captured on camera and looking at them makes me smile. I baked nearly 80 cupcakes for 2 days. Lol, now that's obsession. haha. And I had the best and the worst New Year. I know, you're thinking how the heck is that possible, both totally contradict but trust me on that. Thank you my Dear and Wancu (and Uncle David and Nora), for the time you guys spent on me. Conclusion : I wish for another holiday to enjoy with my loved ones. *Praying and hoping*

CherryBee

A Better Tomorrow

I never knew there would be a better tomorrow
But you've come into my life and taken away all my sorrow

My days of sadness are a thing of the past
Because I have found true love at last

My days of emptiness are gone for good
Because you fill a void in my heart that you should

You've opened the window
You've shown me the light
And my love for you will continue to burn bright.

-Yvonne Warren

p/s : You know who you are. ILY

Day 1 : Miserable at its best

Day 1 after winter break is not easy. Especially when I've been through lots of ups and downs during the last 11 days. But in the end I find myself loving and missing him every single minute. I cried non-stop since last friday night. My eyes are swollen and my mind is always thinking. If I were given a choice, I would choose to stay. To be by yourside and do what we do best; making us happy. What is exactly the meaning of "time off"? Well given a field of soccer players, time off will mean that they need a break to relax after a long and tiring work. After that, they will continue on with the game. But when it comes to relationships, does that mean we will continue where we last stopped? Does it mean it is worth the waiting? I can wait, I will wait for you. Just tell me you'll come back to me after your "time off" because I will be right here waiting, hoping. Meeting you was fate, and becoming your friend was a choice. But dear, falling in love with you is something I had no control over, and will never do. I miss you so much.

CherryBee